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Table of Contents

I n t r o d u c t i o n

A note from the author


P a r t  I :


How did you get into that?

Becoming a dancer

    Journal Entry - Nov 5th, 2002

Becoming an artist

Ideal life building


P a r t  I I :


The first crack in the windshield

    Journal Entry - Jan 23rd, 2011

    Journal Entry - Feb 6th, 2011

Contradicting realities

Losing trust

Scared little porcupine



Inkling of clarity

    Journal Entry - Feb 28th, 2011


P a r t  I I I :


    Journal Entry - Mar 16th, 2011

Thick blackness

Raw, exposed

Overwhelming gibberish

More Questions

Pure fear

    Journal Entry - Apr 17th, 2011

The what-ifs

    Journal Entry - Apr 20th, 2011

Removing the last strip of the mask

    Journal Entry - May 1st, 2011

Preparing for hibernation

Wrapping up loose ends

P a r t  I V :


    Journal Entry - May 5th, 2011

What happened?

Second crack in the windshield

    Journal Entry - May 12th, 2011


    Journal Entry - May 19th, 2011

My heart went out to you

    Journal Entry - Jun 5th, 2011

Identity without affiliations

Gut alien

Unexpected triumph

Paper panic

    Journal Entry - Jul 6th, 2011

White Bird

    Journal Entry - Aug 14th, 2011

Public vs private

Mile marker

    Journal Entry - Aug 30th, 2011

Art in the Dark

A warm and fuzzy heart

It’s time

    Journal Entry - Oct 30th, 2011


P a r t  V :


The big day

The other side

30 year old granny

Bring me a steak

Hospital discharge


Setting the routine

Epic poop

First outings

    Journal Entry - Nov 9th, 2011

    Journal Entry - Nov 12th, 2011

Bittersweet transition

A day in the life

    Journal Entry - Dec 5th, 2011

Moment of truth

P a r t  V I :


Unexpected visitor

Always there

Digging deeper

Trusted advisor

Back on the outside

No spark



Journal Entry - Dec 31st, 2011



P a r t  V I I :


The flabby tin man

Two timing

    Journal Entry - Jan 4th 2012

Perpetual nausea

Crutches at the gym

A half way new experience in yoga

    Journal Entry - Jan 23rd, 2012

15 weeks

The no end in sight black sea

    Journal Entry - Feb 10th, 2012

    Journal Entry - Feb 12th, 2012

My Mumford anthem

Dove tail

    Journal Entry - Mar 8th, 2012

Squeezed and soaked

My body was awake

    Op report

Change in strategy

Invisible separation


No go (go figure)

Second time’s a charm

Moving on, moving out

    Journal Entry - May 6th, 2012

No more funding

    Journal Entry - May 12th, 2012

    Journal Entry - May 19th, 2012



P a r t V I I I :


Rhymes with bucket

Panic to grounding

Soft steps

    Journal Entry - Jul 19th, 2012

Physical progressions

Show time

Still not whole


    Journal Entry - Sept 26th, 2012

Two things

What I know

    Journal Entry - Oct 14th, 2012


E p i l o g u e


A d d i t i o n a l  R e s o u r c e s


A c k n o w l e d g e m e n t s

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