Last month I performed at "In the Rough" which is a work-in-progress show put on by a local dance center. You may remember I performed at the first iteration of this event last Spring in the Motherhood piece with my friend Jessica Zoller. The idea for the Gold Suit piece actually came to me as we were driving home from the last show. I wasn't even one year out from having my baby and I had been struggling with the fear that people would consider me too old or too unavailable to be a dancer anymore. This performance reminded me that I love performing AND that being older and/or having more responsibilities doesn't have to prevent me from dancing, it just changes when and how I dance. It also reminded me of something else. Something I felt could be worth creatively exploring further.
Three years ago I did an energy session with the director of a dance company I was working with (she also does energy work). Within the session she told me she was sensing that since birth I've had a deep seeded inclination to avoid being a burden on people or taking up too much space. She then started peeling back the layers through a series of questions. After we had been talking for awhile a distinct image popped into my mind. I was standing out on the street wearing a gold suit. When I saw the image in my head, my head felt light and my cheeks tugged my face into an uncontrollable smile. Energetically I felt exuberant, but at my core I felt exposed and uncomfortable.
For three years now I've been turning those two opposites over in my head trying to figure out not just how to wear the gold suit again, but to feel comfortable in it. It's a rare, yet wonderful opportunity to be able to create a work to be presented in an informal setting. The motivation of having somewhere to present the work is necessary, yet there's no pressure to make something formal. In fact, this piece was created in a mere three weeks. The video you see above I consider a VERY rough draft of a bigger piece/project.
Beyond my personal experience, I believe that many women are taught to not be a burden on people and to not take up too much space. I want to explore this idea for my own processing as well as to share a story that will inevitably be relatable to many women.
Much more on this project to come!